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Understanding and Healing from Self-Harm: A Guide for Parents

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Kenzie* has suffered concussions from repeatedly banging his head against a wall. 

Jordan has bald patches from pulling out their hair.  

Nicole’s hoodie is more than her year-round trademark — it hides the cuts on her arms.  

 Stories like these are more common than you think. According to emergency room reports, self-harm cases among young women have increased 50% globally since 2009 — yet the stigma and shame surrounding self-injury persists.    

 We at TBH think it’s time to end the silence. We want to shed light on the issue of self-injury and equip you with the information you need to talk with your teens about it.  

What is Self-Harm?  

Self-harm, also known as non-suicidal self-injury disorder, is a condition in which people purposely hurt themselves without the intent to cause their own death.  

Self-harm is more common among females than males, and although it is not considered a diagnosable mental disorder, it’s often a symptom of an ongoing condition or problem related to mental health.   

How Prevalent Is Self-Harm?  

According to Mental Health America (MHA), approximately 17% of teens report some form of self-injury. It is more common in teens ages 15-19, and in those suffering anxiety and depression. The number of people who self-harm also varies depending

on racial and ethnic background. According to an article published by the New York Times, more than 20% of Native American teens reported self-injury, followed by Hispanic and white teens.  

However, teens may continue to practice self-harm as they grow older. MHA also cites a 2010 Journal of the American Board of Family Medicine report noting that between 17-35% of college-age young people are self-harming. 

Researchers have found a direct correlation between time spent online on social media and rates of self-harm. Teens who have engaged in self-injury were more likely to spend a greater amount of time on these sites as opposed to those who didn’t. This increased social media exposure was also tied to “greater psychological distress…and suicidal ideation” in teens.  

Why Do People Self-Harm?  

Individuals who self-injure can’t always explain why, even to themselves. Self-harm is often linked to trauma, abuse, the inability to express strong feelings in a healthy way and struggles with mental health issues. Some people self-injure as confirmation they can tolerate the pain, while others want to take out their anger on themselves. Others self-harm because they’re so numb that they want to feel something, even if it’s pain.  

Common stressors connected to self-injury include:  

  • Bullying 
  • Financial worries 
  • Difficult relationships 
  • Low self-esteem 
  • Abuse 
  • Grief 
  • Traumatic experiences 

Self-harm can also be a sign of an underlying mental health condition like:  

  • Anxiety 
  • Depression  
  • ADHD 
  • Eating disorders 
  • Borderline personality disorder 
  • Substance abuse  

Forms of Self-Harm 

 While cutting is the best-known form of self-harm, other methods are also used: 

  • Piercing skin with sharp objects 
  • Burning skin with lighters, cigarettes, household cleaners, etc.  
  • Hitting or punching a wall 
  • Deliberate bruising 
  • Starving or binge eating  
  • Pulling out hair 
  • Misusing alcohol or recreational drugs 
  • Biting 

Warning Signs 

Signs like these could be an indication your teen is self-harming: 

  • Wearing long sleeves or pants, even in hot weather 
  • Scars, cuts, bruises or burns with no reasonable explanation 
  • Repeatedly picking at scabs 
  • Changes in mood, including impulsive behavior  
  • Withdrawal from activities and friendships 
  • Unusual presence of sharp objects  
  • Frequent talk about “accidental” injuries 

What to do if your teen is self-harming  

Don’t dismiss your suspicions or avoid the uncomfortable conversation you must have with your teen. Instead, try initiating a meaningful conversation about their mental health and about your concern that they may be self-harming. Let them know they can tell you anything and that you will listen. Approaching them with a compassionate, nonjudgmental attitude tells them they can feel safe with you.  

When you bring up this subject, be prepared for denials and other strong reactions. Above all, remain calm.  Don’t force your teen to talk about it if they don’t want to. Young people insist that’s not helpful, so be patient with them and remain understanding. Let them know you care and that they can talk to you whenever they are ready.  

Offer help and first aid 

Your teen may be embarrassed and resist talking about their self-harm, but one way to make it easier for them, and to open the door to future conversations, is to show them they matter to you by offering to help them take care of their injuries.  Phrases like these can foster the trust and care your teen needs:  

“Here’s an ice pack for that bump on your head.” 

“Do you want some antibiotic ointment for the cut on your arm?” 

“This burn cream will help with the pain.” 

These small actions help to show your teen that their body matters, and so do they.  

Encourage Them to Seek Help.  

Let your teen know you want to support them and help them find the professional care they need.  Your teen may be more comfortable starting with someone they already know – their primary care doctor. This also gives you the opportunity to discuss your concerns with their doctor, who may be able to refer you to a mental health specialist within your network.  

Another good place to start is the self-harm crisis hotline, which provides free support 24/7 and can also help you locate professional help.  

If you’re dealing with a difficult situation and need to talk to someone immediately, you can text CONNECT to 741741.   

Alternatives to Self-Harming  

Your teen may need alternatives to distract them from self-harming. Help them find healthier ways to channel their feelings and manage their emotions. Here are some suggestions they can try:  

If they’re feeling angry, they can: 

  • Slash an empty plastic bottle  
  • Pop balloons or bubble wrap 
  • Exercise 
  • Hit a punching bag  
  • Snap a hair band on their wrist 
  • Tear or shred paper 
  • Flatten aluminum cans or boxes for recycling 
  • Throw ice cubes against a bathtub, or slam pillows against a wall 

If they’re feeling sad, they can: 

  • Take a hot bath 
  • Spend some time with a pet  
  • Play, sing, or listen to soothing music 
  • Walk in nature 
  • Hug a loved one (even a beloved stuffed animal) 
  • Cook some yummy treats 

If they feel numb, they can: 

  • Squeeze ice 
  • Take a cold bath/shower 
  • Try a diffuser with pungent or potent-smelling essential oils, such as peppermint or cinnamon 
  • Practice meditation and mindful breathing 
  • Dip their fingers into a cold food, like ice cream 
  • Make slime or playdough 

If your teen still feels the urge to hurt themselves, they can try this: 

  • Place stickers, bandages, or fake tattoos wherever they want to injure themselves 
  • Draw on themselves with red marker 
  • Paint on themselves with red tempera paint 
  • Play with face paint 

For more options, the Adolescent Self Injury Association has this free document of 146 alternatives to self-harming.  

Self-harm is a red flag, indicating your teen is struggling with mental health or other issues. If a young person in your life is struggling with self-injury, ending the silence is an important first step toward recovery. Here at The Bougainvilla House, we’ll provide your teen with a safe space, compassionate care, and guidance to help them cope and recover.  

To start their healing journey, call us at (954)-764-7337 

*These are fictional names.  

For More Information:  

Why your child could be suffering holiday stress

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The holidays can be an especially anxious time for anyone. If you’re noticing more tension than usual, your child may be experiencing similar feelings. Your child might seem a bit withdrawn or irritable, may sleep more than usual, or is exhibiting other signs of stress. Some stress is okay, but when these feelings start to overwhelm your child, it’s time to intervene.

Reasons for holiday stress and anxiety

 

fewer daylight hours and changes in routine

The ‘holiday blues’ are real, and have many underlying causes:

  • Fewer daylight hours. The decreased number of daylight hours can have a significant effect on mental health, including your child’s. Even in the Sunshine State, many begin to feel the effects of seasonal depression during these shorter winter days.
  • Changes in routine. When your child is off from school for winter break, the whole routine changes. Even if they don’t recognize it, your child could be affected when the familiar daily structure of school, bedtime, and mealtimes becomes less rigid.

Tips to help your child with holiday-related stress and anxiety

 

Even if your child isn’t showing any particular signs of holiday stress, these tips are great for fostering a healthy and strong family connection.

  1. Take care of yourself. Kids are attentive, and they pick up on family ‘vibes’ more than you might think. If you are in a bad mood, it can affect their mood as well. When you are stressed and anxious, it can increase their levels of anxiety as well and make them more irritable. Although the holidays can be a busy time, make sure you set aside time to take care of yourself and unwind. Your body and mind will thank you for it and so will your children. You can start by exploring these ideas for taking a break.
  2. Stay active. Staying active as a family can be difficult, but keeping up with physical activities is crucial for a happy family and healthy children – and parents! If your child plays a sport, winter break might be their off season, but that doesn’t mean that all physical activity should stop. Physical activities aren’t just limited to sports, either. Here are some ways to help your child and your family stay active:
    1. Start a dance party in your living room with a fun dance cardio routine
    2. Start a small garden and celebrate that we can do that in Florida in December!
    3. Do some family-friendly yoga
    4. Create a scavenger hunt
    5. Here’s a list of even more fun activities 
  3. Eat well. Eating well is another crucial part of living a healthy lifestyle, but it can be difficult and sometimes inconvenient for busy families. It’s also difficult during the holiday season when many want to simply indulge. Along with their holiday treats, make sure your children are getting the proper nutrition they need daily. Involve your children in menu planning, shopping, and cooking!
  4. Meditate. Meditation can be intimidating at first, but can be extremely beneficial to anyone experiencing high levels of stress and take time to relaxanxiety. A guided body scan meditation can be a great introduction to meditating because the purpose is to check in with yourself and your feelings. Try this body scan meditation as a way to relax for yourself, or for your family to unwind together.
  5. Foster open communication. Talk to your children about your holiday traditions and be open to their answers. If they don’t like a certain tradition, talk about ways to change it and make it more special for your family. If family dynamics have changed (such as a divorce, new partner, or a death in the family), talk about that too. Let your child know that it’s okay (and encouraged!) for them to come to you and to be open with their feelings.
  6. Give your child control. During winter break and without a set routine, life can feel a bit unsettling. Talk to your child about what they want the winter break routine to look like. Having a discussion with them about their new schedule will give them a sense of autonomy and ownership over their own lives.
  7. Manage gift expectations. Gift-giving comes with its own stress, both for you and your child. If you know your child wants something out of your price range, be honest with them ahead of time. If your child believes the gift will come from Santa, be ready to deal with those expectations as well.
  8. Get crafty. Being creative is a lot of fun and a great family bonding activity. Have your kids choose and help with a new recipe, make some cookies that they can decorate, or create some fun holiday decorations and gifts. The possibilities are endless and anything that gets the creative juices flowing is a great stress reliever.
  9. Enjoy holiday stories, movies, and music. Even though some favorite community and school events have been canceled due to the pandemic, there are still many wonderful events happening online and through the creative programming of libraries and museums. Enjoy!

Don’t let the holidays get you and your family down.

If you need help talking to your child about changing family dynamics or just want to learn more about parenting, browse our parenting workshops or call us to schedule an appointment.

Vaping and Teens

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Vaping is certainly not a new phenomenon, but e-cigarette use has become increasingly popular over the past two years. Sometimes referred to as “Juuling”, a term coined after people began using the Juul brand e-cigarette device, vaping is the inhaling and exhaling of a blend of nicotine, flavorings, and other chemicals as a vapor.

There is a common, but inaccurate, belief that e-cigarettes contain fewer chemicals than traditional cigarettes, so they are said to be less harmful. This is likely why there has been quite a boom in e-cigarette sales across the nation – and why this has become more popular with teens in particular.

The sudden increase in vaping amongst teens has taken the medical community by surprise. A study done by the University of Michigan found that nearly one in three high school students in the U.S. has tried vaping in the past year. That number may grow as e-cigarette companies have begun to broaden their appeal and market products specifically for teens and young adults. With a wide array of flavors to choose from, the trend shows no sign of slowing anytime soon.

Many parents have become concerned about their teenaged children vaping, and this is with good reason. There are plenty of concerns and risks to consider. E-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive. As teens still have developing brains and bodies, it is far easier for them to get “hooked” on substances.

Also, e-cigarettes still contain potentially toxic chemicals. While they haven’t been around long enough to conduct thorough long-term studies about their effects on the body, doctors, researchers, and others have unequivocally stated that e-cigarettes are not safe for teens and young adults. There is also the risk of poisoning, device explosions, and allergic reactions. There have been cases where e-cigarettes are laced with illegal drugs.

If your teen or young adult is vaping, and you are concerned about their safety, here are some tips regarding how you should approach the issue:

Have Honest Conversations

As teens and young adults are still forming habits, impulse control, and experiencing several changes throughout their brains and bodies, it is critical that you approach the issue without engaging in a “lecture”. Ask them questions about vaping that are not accusatory. If you pass someone vaping, ask your teen what they think about it. Begin with open-ended questions that spark conversations.

Also, be prepared to have honest conversations about the risks involved. Teens tend to be more impulsive than adults, so your teen may not be considering the long-term effects of e-cigarettes. Discuss the fact that there are many unknowns about vaping, and that doctors have decided that it is not a healthy habit. Be clear about your expectations, but open to an exchange of ideas.

If your teen mentions that “everyone is doing it” or that “vaping is safer than smoking” you can face these comments with facts easily. The truth is that most teens in the U.S. do not vape, and while e-cigarettes do contain fewer chemicals, they still contain nicotine and toxic substances. No long-term studies have been done yet to assess the likelihood of illnesses like cancers, addiction, breathing problems, or the effects of vaping on young brains. Just because something is popular doesn’t make it safe or healthy.

Role Modeling

Teens and young adults are often more aware of their surroundings than you think. If you vape or you smoke, remember that they are watching and will consider your actions as an “approval” of whatever they choose to do. If you do intend to keep vaping, keep your devices secured and try to vape away from their presence.

Seek Professional Help

If you feel that your teen or young adult is experiencing issues with vaping that make you feel frustrated or overwhelmed, or if you feel like their habits are standing in the way of success, it may be time to seek professional help. The Bougainvilla House offers comprehensive therapy for teens and young adults dealing with substance use or behavioral issues, all in a safe, supportive environment.

If you would like to learn more about our services, visit our website today at https://thebougainvillahouse.org/, or call our caring team at 954-764-7337 and schedule an appointment. We are committed to giving you and your teen or young adult the tools needed to succeed and thrive.

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