Holiday

Home for the Holidays: A Survival Guide for College Students

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You did it – you made it through your first set of college final exams! You’re happy to finally begin your holiday break, but you’re about to return to the family nest, and family gatherings are on the horizon. While homecoming can be a joyful time for some, for others can bring anxiety and stress.  

As a first-year college student, readjusting to life at home can be uncomfortable and even overwhelming. During this extended visit, you’ll have to follow ‘house rules’ and interact with family members who may have different social or political views and values than you. It’s also more than likely that family life has changed since you left for college.  

It can be a strange time. Everything’s the same – but not. You’re different. Your family dynamic is different. Everyone has to adjust. 

It can be intimidating, but don’t worry. This article will provide tips on how to survive and enjoy coming home for the holidays. 

5 Ways to Survive the Holiday Break

 

  1. Communicate with your family before the break –  Before you leave campus, it’s really important to talk with your family to share plans and set expectations. Let them know how long you’ll be around and ask them if they have any special requests, events, or plans for your time together. Share any special plans of your own. If there are any conflicts or disagreements, don’t let them build up — talk about them now! This will help prevent awkwardness, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings once you’re home.
     
  2. Negotiate house rules- Your parents may have difficulty seeing you as an adult who has been living on their own. That’s a common experience for many college students returning home. As a result, they may try to enforce house rules that were fine when you lived at home, but now seem unreasonable or unnecessary. For example, if they want you to be home by curfew every night when there’s no particular reason why, talk it over with them and explain why these rules aren’t necessary anymore.  Remember – this is all new for them too! For your part, be aware that your lifestyle and daily rhythms might be very different from the rest of your family’s — for instance, you may no longer be the early-to-bed teen they knew!  As you settle in, be considerate of your family’s routines and hours.  
  3. Don’t spend too much time on social media– Sometimes we find ourselves spending too much time online instead of enjoying our family’s company or having meaningful conversations with them. Make sure you set aside time to catch up and talk. Your family will be interested in what has been going on in your life, your college experience so far, and your future plans. This is also an opportunity to hear about what they’ve been doing during the last few months.
     
  4. Catch up with old friends- If you are close with anyone from back home, talk to them ahead of time about their holiday plans. This will give you an idea of what’s going on around town and help you plan a few activities.  Knowing when you might see old friends can help things at home feel a little less stifling.
     
  5. Set aside “alone time”- You’ll have so many people to catch up with that it can get overwhelming at times, so make sure you take some alone time. Work out, take a walk by yourself, read a book, or watch TV in your room. This will help you relax and recharge, so you can enjoy the time you do spend with your loved ones. This is your break, and a busy semester awaits, so be sure to take time for self-care. 

When family gatherings get opinionated

When politics are brought up during family gatherings, things can get awkward and uncomfortable – fast. You may feel like you must choose between being honest and true to your views, and avoiding the subject, especially if your opinions differ significantly from those of your relatives. If the conversation is getting acrimonious, the best way to handle this situation is to listen, be prepared for different reactions from each person, pick your battles, and have an exit strategy ready. 

You can say something like “I don’t want to argue about this. Let’s talk about something else.” Or “I hear what you’re saying, but I also have some thoughts on the topic that I think are important too, so let me tell you what I think.” Then share your perspective in a calm tone of voice and let them respond without judging or interrupting them. If the language coming at you becomes inflammatory, condescending, or insulting, try not to get defensive — be the adult in the room and just say something like “That’s not right/true/fair/reasonable/acceptable” and then change the subject. You may feel strongly about the issue under discussion, but it’s a family event and nobody wants it to disintegrate into a shouting match. 

In the end, just enjoy and participate in family life as much as is comfortable. Pitch in and help out, spend one-on-one time with your close family, and remember to show appreciation – for instance, when your favorite foods are served! Share traditions or make new ones and let them get to know the cool young adult you are. 

 Just as important, take time and space to rest and renew your social batteries, and speak up for what you need. 

Don’t let stress get to you! Instead, be open to new experiences and new opportunities, and do what you need to do to stay relaxed and positive. College life is exciting and busy, and being home can be a much-needed chance to recharge, so try to focus on all the positives of being home for the holidays. We hope it’s a comfortable, enjoyable time for all of you! 

Need help?  

If family stress feels overwhelming, look for a safe person and space in which to talk. The Bougainvilla House is here for you, with an understanding and welcoming staff and environment ready to assist you and your family. Take that important first step and ask for help.      

The Bougainvilla House also offers Workshops to provide tools and strategies that support healthy families and nurture future generations as they grow.       

Call now to find support for you and your family: (954) 764-7337. 

2022 Family Resolutions for More (or Better) Quality Time Together

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2022 is here and the “New Year, New Me” sayings are hitting social media feeds. The New Year is a reset, bringing fresh energy and motivation to do better, to try new things, and to leave unwanted habits in the past.  

No surprise, the most common New Year’s resolutions involve losing weight and getting in shape — gym membership directors love it. Saving money ranks high as well. If you’ve set goals in these areas, congratulations and go you!  

We at The Bougainvilla House are also big fans of New Year’s resolutions related to strong family relationships and mental well-being.  If you’ve been thinking about these areas of your life, consider how you can make this your focus as well! 

Parents spend a lot of time with family all year, but so much of it inevitably involves the logistics of life – meals, running errands, taxi service to practices and lessons, cleaning — not to mention work and school demands. It’s all too easy for the days to fly by despite best efforts to focus on sustaining strong, dynamic, and healthy family relationships.  

The new year offers an exciting opportunity to refocus. Here are a few ideas and suggestions for setting, enjoying, and keeping family resolutions! 

How to set family New Year resolutions  

Every family has different values and beliefs about what matters to them, so come up with resolutions that work for you. The new year is a great opportunity to sit down together and talk about what you want to accomplish, both as individuals and as a family. This also sets you up to work together to keep those resolutions all year long.  

Your goals can be big and small-scale, serious and fun, creative or mundane – and above all, unique —just like your family.  

Family Resolutions that work for everyone.  

Not sure where to start? Here are a few ideas that may be good starting points for families looking to improve their quality time together.  

1. Less screen time– You may already be doing this, but if you aren’t monitoring your family’s screen time (including your own), now is a good time to start.

Technology is the ultimate easy children’s entertainment and Facebook does an excellent job at keeping you on the app, but it’s stealing your kids’ time and your own. On average, an 8- to 12-year-old in the United States now use screens for entertainment for 4 hours, 44 minutes a day, and 13- to 18-year-olds are on screens for 7 hours, 22 minutes each day, as reported in 2018 by the nonprofit organization Common Sense Media. When you add it up, that’s a lot of hours your family could spend together without screens!

 If you find this resolution too challenging for your kids, try setting their devices to a max screen time per day. This way, the device will automatically enforce your agreed-upon screen-time limits. Set an example yourself too! You’ll be surprised at the amount of free time you have. Learn how to set limited screen time here. 

2. Family exercise – If your goal is to exercise more often, take advantage of our beautiful Florida winters to plan walks or bike rides on a trail or around the neighborhood. Plan a day and time to go (and maybe a Plan B) to help you set and maintain a routine.

If you don’t have a lot of time, start small. Even a 10 – 20-minute walk is more than enough to get started. Remember that it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic. Don’t be intimidated by these numbers –habits take time. It’s worth it!

3. Schedule family activities – Family time is important, so schedule it just like soccer practice, piano lessons, and date nights with your partner.

Family time can be anything you all want it to be — playing board games, visiting a park, watching a movie, cooking together, or taking a weekend getaway. There are so many ways your family can bond and make memories that will last your lifetime and your children’s. Have fun thinking about the kinds of things you love to do together!

4. One on One time – As much as family time is important, so is one-on-one time with each of your family members. Regular ‘dates’ with each child become fun, much-anticipated events and great opportunities to connect with each child. Plan a lunch at their favorite restaurant, go bowling, or just enjoy an ice cream date. If they like playing video games, join them in the game. 

As you enjoy time together, it’s also a great chance to check in with your child and to just enjoy them as they grow.  

We hope these ideas spark more than a few of your own – but don’t overdo it!  Start off with one or two and add more later in the year once you’ve made progress on the ones you consider to be most important.  

It’s okay to take a break!  

We understand that new habits are challenging to maintain. If you’re feeling discouraged, or if things pop up at the last minute (and they will), don’t stress. It’s okay to take a break. The point is to set goals as a family, keep trying to meet them, and enjoy the journey together along the way!  

Need More Help? 

If you or your family are struggling with mental health issues, look for a safe person and space in which to talk. The Bougainvilla House is here for you, with an understanding and welcoming environment for you and your family. Take that critical first step and ask for help to overcome anxiety and depression and reconnect to the life you want to live (or that you want for someone you love). 

Call now to find support that works for you and your family: (954) 764-7337. 

Feeling the Holiday Blues? Six ways to tackle seasonal depression

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If you just ‘aren’t feeling the spirit’ this holiday season, we understand and offer our support.  

Maybe you usually enjoy what’s supposed to be ‘the most wonderful time of the year.’ But this year, it’s bringing on feelings of stress, sadness, and loneliness.  

Music, movies, TV, social media, and advertising reinforce the sense that everyone should be feeling their merriest and brightest selves. You might be wondering what on earth is wrong with you.  

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, another festival, or none at all, the holiday blues (seasonal depression) can strike anyone for any number of reasons. 

It’s especially difficult if this is your first holiday experience without a loved one. It can be a lonely time, especially for those who don’t have anyone to celebrate the season with them.  

Or maybe the season becomes an overwhelming, exhausting marathon for you, with extra-heavy demands to bake and cook, shop, wrap gifts, decorate, clean, and entertain. The holidays feel like an endless list of chores instead of fun and pleasurable time spent with loved ones.  

Perhaps the pandemic’s continuing presence – and some lingering social introversion from lockdown days – might be making you feel pressured and nervous about traveling or getting together to celebrate. Is it really safe? 

If you’re already struggling with mental illness, the holidays can affect it even more. Know that you are not alone. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 64% of people with mental illness report holidays make their conditions worse.  

What are the holiday blues?  

NAMI describes the holiday blues as “temporary anxiety or depression during the months of November and December that can associate with extra stress, unrealistic expectations, or even memories that accompany the season.” Even though these feelings are temporary, it’s important to be mindful of their impact on your mental health.  

Understanding your feelings and making a plan to manage your mental health can help you get through this time. If you recognize any of these emotions, here are six ideas to help manage them.  

How to tackle the holiday blues? 

  1. Stick to your routine – You may be dealing with disruptors like travel, social activities, or a long to-do list, so it’s important to preserve you-time. Stick to your normal routine as much as possible – don’t sacrifice all your personal time for holiday chores and activities. Take time to enjoy your favorite morning coffee.  Continue your usual exercise routine. Give priority to your daily self-care ritual, whatever it may be.
  2. Don’t isolate yourself –  Feelings of sadness can sometimes lead us to hide at home, but social isolation can make us feel worse. If you’re not going to be with friends or family for the holidays, it’s harder to feel connected. When you’re feeling alone, seek support from a close friend, a family member, or a community in which you’re involved. Schedule a video call with a family member, talk about your feelings, and tell them how much you appreciate them. Spend a day with a caring friend. You might find it helps to volunteer for a local community event. Talking about your feelings, connecting with others, and avoiding too much isolation will hopefully help to steady and manage your emotions during the season. On the other hand, if you’re a more introverted personality, you might actually need to schedule and protect some alone time, if the presence of additional guests and family is draining your emotional batteries. If you need that time, speak up and take it. Go for a walk, chill out with a book or music, and ask everyone to respect your need for some solo recharging time.
  3. Make a to-do list and keep it simple – And check it twice! Planning and delegation are key. Mark your calendar with all your holiday events. Plan dates for advance cooking, decorating, shopping, and package mailing. If you’re traveling, pack and plan ahead for unexpected issues and delays. Are you hosting a social event? Make sure all your guests know when to arrive, where to park, and what to bring. Set up your space the day before and delegate preparations to family and friends. Above all, try to keep things simple and manageable. Be realistic about what you can get done in the time you have, and remember that the most important things are to look after yourself and to enjoy time with the people around you. 
  4. Set a budget – Money can be a huge source of stress during the holidays, so before you start shopping, set a budget. Try not to overextend yourself financially. Figure out how much money you can afford to spend on gifts and food shopping. Write down the people you want to gift, set individual budgets, and stick to it. You can also find less costly alternatives like making homemade gifts but be sure to set aside enough time to make them. Here are more ideas on alternative gifts.
  5. Set reasonable expectations – High or unrealistic expectations can cause unnecessary pressure and tension. Focus on this year’s holiday season and try not to compare it to memories of other years. It doesn’t have to be perfect or elaborate or even the same. Remember that traditions can change, so think about ways you can make the holidays work for you and your family in your present circumstances.
  6. Honor memories – If you are mourning the loss of someone you loved – and there are many kinds of loss – be gentle with yourself. You may feel painful waves of grief during the holidays, when everything reminds you of a missing loved one. Depending on the nature of your loss, think about what might trigger the sadness, and what might help manage it. Talk to friends and family and enlist their support to plan a holiday season that recognizes your need to continue grieving as part of the healing process. 

This season, too many people are mourning the deaths of loved friends and family members from Covid and many other causes. If you are among them, it may help to think about special ways to honor your loved one. It can be as small as lighting a candle every night, sharing memories, or making your loved one’s favorite food. Honoring the person you lost can serve as a physical reminder that although they are gone, the good memories and the love remain. Find more ways to deal with grief here. 

Need More Help?  

If your holiday blues are overwhelming you, look for a safe person and space in which to talk. The Bougainvilla House is here for you, with an understanding and welcoming environment for you and your family. Take that critical first step and ask for help to overcome anxiety and depression, and reconnect to the life you want to live, or want for someone you love. Call now to find support that works for you and your family: (954) 764-7337. In addition, these resources (https://www.nami.org/help ) are also available for you. Please reach out if you or someone in your life needs help.  

Source:  

https://www.nami.org/blogs/nami-blog/november-2015/tips-for-managing-the-holiday-blues 

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